What Women Really Want by Tusk

What women really want – “50 Shades of STFU”…  and Hangovers…

So, y'all have heard about my nurse girlfriend, Pamalama.  She’s a really cool chick, smart and generally a good person.  Oh, and she’s a freak.  All nurses are freaks… along with nail technicians, hair stylists, bartendresses and most airline attendants… In that order...  But I digress, Pam is cool. 

Anyway, she’s fallen into the “Fifty Shades of Grey” trap.  You snacks (that’s TUSK talk for “babes”) are familiar with the book/trilogy.  It gives y’all the escape to “freak land” you think you crave.  You “want” to be tied up and smacked around… (right).  You “want” to be dominated and told what to do… (yeah).    

You want this combination of Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt and Mathew McConaughey all rolled up into Ted Bundy.  Oh, and you want him both as sensitive as a 3^rd degree burn on your Brazilian but as tough as a well done sirloin at your local Chili’s.  Good fuckin’ luck.

What you really want is… no matter what… no matter where… is to be told “everything is gonna be ok”… when you already know it is…

For example:  You (the snack) come home and you’re place is afire.  The whole joint is being consumed in a conflagration and all your worldly possessions are being destroyed.  Time is of the essence and it’s running very, very short.  What do you “want”?  A water hose?  No…  A cell phone to call 911?  Wrong, again...  A bucket of water?  Nope.

What you “want” is to be held tight, hugged, and told “everything’s going to be alright”…  all the while, your shit is burning up.  That’s how y’all roll… and that’s ok…

I bought Pamalama the “Three Shades” trilogy, because it’s “what she wanted”…

And Pam gets what she wants… I love her. 

Excuse me while I pound out her brains.

TUSK

This is a side note that Tusk included...he swears by it. And after the night I had last night on Beale Street, I do too. -Merekat

TUSK’s Hangover Remedy

·         32 oz Cup full of ice

·         Gatorade (powder mix at double concentration per volume)

·         (1 – 2) BC Headache Powder(s)

·         Alka Seltzer (optional)