Treasures

One of Mom's treasures

   Sunday and Monday were the first two days I've had off in a row since Christmas, so I retreated to Pickwick for some much needed R and R. Momma Hen and I did our normal thing: drink, eat, antique, sleep, repeat. Momma Hen always has a million projects going on whether it be a painting, planning a wedding, designing someone's lake house, or in the present, buying and selling antiques. This is a new past time of hers. She and some friends have booths at the Bonnie Blue Antique Mall in Burnsville. A sign boasting "Antique Mall" in a run down strip mall on the side of HWY 72 in Burnsville aint much to look at, but there are "treasures" awaiting you inside. Momma Hen likes to refer to all of her finds as treasures. I think most of that shit is junk and extremely over priced. But, that's where Mom and I differ. She can see through the shit at sales and thrift stores and clearance bins. I can not. And, every time I go to her booth, I make her pick shit out for me or else I'll have an anxiety attack and feel closed in by all of her treasures.
   So, Sunday afternoon Mom and I were loading up some shit from her booth for me to take back to Memphis when the cranky old bitch behind the counter ran us out on account of "bad weather" coming. As Momma Hen and I take the back roads through Burnsville and Iuka back to the Hen House at Pickwick, we come across several huge piles of brush down the bank from the road.

"You see those big piles of brush, Mere?"

"Um, yea. Why?"

Mom gets really fidgety and hesitant like she doesn't want to continue her story.

"Well, the other morning I was headed to the booth when I passed this black Escalade down in that ditch over there. Right nexta that brush pile. Driven right up to the brush."

"Ok, so?"

"There weren't any skid marks like they'd run off the road, but after I passed by I whipped around and went back."

"Why, Mom?" I'm already bored by her story and begin rolling my eyes.

"So, I pull over and climb down the bank to the Escalade. Meredith, it was a nice one. New lights on the back and everything. Had to be a brand new one. God, I love those new lights on the back." Mom and I are quite the car traders, so I wouldn't be surprised to find her with a new Escalade soon just because of the new tail lights she's so fascinated by.

"MOM! Why did you go down there?"

"What if someone was hurt? What if they were dead and no one had driven by this morning?"

"Ok , fine. What was in the car?"

"Well, I couldn't get to the drivers side door because of this mud hole, so I opened the back hatch and climbed into the back of the car."

"Oh my god, MOM! What the fuck? You can't just go around crawling in people's cars! What the fuck were you thinking?"

"MEREDITH, what if someone as hurt?"

"I don't care, Mom! Someone out here in the country will shoot your ass for breaking in to their cars!" See how the mother daughter roles have changed?

"Well, just listen to me. So, there was all this junk in the back. they had just trashed this new Escalade. And it smelled weird. I finally cleared enough stuff out of my way to see into the back seat. No blood or anything. And the keys were in it. Who just leaves their car with the keys in it?"

"I don't know, Mom. Who just climbs in the back of some random ass car? YOU DO. Don't ever do that again! Did you call the cops??"

"No, I just left. But, I was telling someone, cant remember who, about what all was in the back of that car. Apparently, it was a meth lab." She nervously glances over at me while I just about run my own car off the road.

"A METH LAB? A METH LAB, MOM??? YOU NEVER CALLED THE COPS?" I shriek at her.

"Well, no. Why would I?"

"Holy shit. You REALLY could have gotten shot. What was in there??"

"Oh, you know."

"No, I don't know!? I don't have a meth lab in my car. Batteries? Anti-freeze?"

"Oh, yea. Tons of empty cans of anti-freeze."

"Oh my god. Please don't do that again. I need some fucking wine."

"Agreed. I gotta get a bottle from the neighbor's house."

And just like my Lexus was loaded down with treasures from the antique mall, the Escalade was loaded down with treasures of it's own. Pittmania is never dull.

Merekat