I have found myself in a slightly different situation. I have taken on the task of setting Momma Hen up with a man. This is more difficult than one may think. Meeting men her age is tricky. They either hit on me at the bar or I meet them at work.
I met a man at the first of the year that seemed to be perfect. My friend and I were sitting at the bar at Elfo's in Germantown one Wednesday night. Wednesday nights have been dubbed as the "Pick Up Night" at Elfo's. The crowd consists of men in their late 30's to early 60's in business suits and dried up, ex-housewives dressed like whores. It's basically a cluster fuck of desperate women trying to find a man with money. Being the green age of 24, I am a hot commodity in this arena. And it didn't hurt that my friend didn't wear her wedding ring that night. As the night progressed I had a glazed eyed man with kids older than me buy my dinner and several rounds of Patron as well as propose to me, and my friend had several unsightly suitors as well. All the while, a man seated alone across the bar stared and smiled at us. Creepy, right? After I closed my "fiance's" tab, tipped the bartender a shit ton on his expense of course, and sent him home, the creepy man approached us. We were skeptical, but played along as we do with other old men. The more we talked, the more I thought of my mom. Even though he was hitting on us, the Patron made me blurt out, "You're my mom's age. Fuck her. Not us." One thing lead to another, and I had Creep and Momma Hen set up on a date.
He seemed pretty cool after the fact...anthesiologist, drives a Harley, loves the lake...match made in Heaven, so I thought. After Momma Hen and Creep talked on the phone for a few weeks, they finally met for dinner in Memphis. The date went great...awesome conversation, opened her car door, good kisser. But he was a little sketchy. His stories didn't match up. So, I took the liberty of Googling him--something I should have done before I sent Momma Hen off with an ax murderer. And what did I find might you ask? Oh, not a doctor. Creep is in medical sales...not the owner of the company--manager. And the snotty Germantown neighborhood he claimed he lived in? Not a chance. His house is in an older neighborhood and not worth a dime. Google is the shit. You can't lie and get away with it easily anymore. Idiot.
So, obviously Momma Hen did not return his phone calls and psycho texts after my findings nor want me to set her up again.
I work on a construction site in Memphis and am surrounded by men all day long. No one of interest for me or her until Silver Fox arrived on site a few months ago. A 60 year old, successful, good looking man. He's charming, intelligent, and treats me like a daughter. After the disaster date that I had set Momma Hen up with previously, I was a little cautious when mentioning that they should meet. Actually, neither of them were too excited about the idea. The more I've gotten to know Silver Fox, the more I wanted them to meet. After talking them up to each other for 3 months, they FINALLY met last night.
 |
| Lovebirds |
Felix, Bear (coworker), and I joined Momma Hen and Silver Fox for dinner and drinks at Pearl's Oyster House. It didn't take 5 minutes before the two love birds were laughing, talking, and cheersing their drinks. Felix, Bear, and I immediately became a collective third wheel. Mom ordered oysters...aren't they supposed to turn you on or something? Maybe it worked. From there we went for more drinks at South of Beale. Momma Hen proceeded to show him every fucking picture on her camera...the house, weddings she's planned, the dogs, cemeteries, etc. He seemed amused. I was bored to death. Momma Hen was starting to get to that slippery slope stage of drinking, so I quickly ended the date. There were lots of hugs and googly eyes. Gross. I guess this is what I get for attending the blind date.
The results:
"I could see him again...yea. I could." Go me!
"I want to clip his rose bushes and dig in his dirt. What do you say? That's my thing." Is that supposed to be sexual?
"I mean, he has to love dogs or he wouldn't be the person he is." Nice logic.
I haven't talked to Silver Fox today, but I think the feeling is mutual.
OK, so not as exciting as the Creep story, but at least I did a decent job this time. Hey, I say one outa two ain't bad.
XOXO,
Honey the Match Maker
http://www.elfosrestaurant.com/
http://www.pearlsoysterhouse.com/
http://www.southofbeale.com/
No comments:
Post a Comment